"Well, John. Your friend certainly cleans up nice, doesn’t he?"
John involuntarily licked his lips. “That he does, James. Remind me to personally thank the tailor of that suit.”
"Both of you, just shut up. When I agreed to help with this case, I meant I would do so as a forensics consultant. I didn’t agree to be the bait."
Bond laughed. “Sorry, Holmes. Our quarry likes them tall, dark-haired, and handsome. John can only manage the handsome bit.”
"You could just as easily dye your hair, Bond," Sherlock sneered. "You’re the spy, are you not?"
"Yeah, and you’re the master of disguise, or so I hear." Bond stood up taller and smoothed out the lapels of his own suit jacket, carefully avoiding Sherlock’s eyes. "Besides, I’m not keen to dye all of my hair, if you catch my meaning."
"What?!?" John asked, his voice hitting a much higher pitch than he intended.
"He means his nether regions, John. In the event that we take this ruse into the bedroom. It sounds like one of those dreadful mystery novels you’ve been reading. Tedious."
John raised a pointed finger at Bond. “You did NOT say Sherlock would be sleeping with anyone, James. That’s it! We’re done here. You can find someone else!”
James turned a steely gaze back at John.”Someone else? Do you know of someone else with Sherlock’s looks who can crack a safe and decipher a coded message in under ten minutes?”
"Damn it, James. I don’t care. You’re not having him go in there and—"
"Five," Sherlock said calmly.
"I’ll crack the safe in under two minutes. The code will take three at the most. Five minutes. Not ten. My virtue, such as it is, will remain intact." He raised one eyebrow and looked pointedly at John. "Until I return home to Baker Street, of course."
John folded his arms, squeezed his eyes shut, and uttered a low, long-suffering sigh.
"Fine," he replied. "Just be sure you wear the suit home. I don’t want anyone taking it off of you but me."
"Right. Now then," Bond checked the expensive timepiece on his wrist. "Time we were going. Wriggle nicely on the fish hook, Sherlock. There’s a good bait."
"Fuck off," John and Sherlock replied in unison.